Crew of USS Enterprise on SpaceBook
by T'Key'la
Summary: Complete nonsense. Inspired by "Hamlet on FaceBook." Google it. "Routine Things" is up. K/S. Nothing overt.
1. Chapter 1

**SpaceBook Status Updates**

Spock ignored the invitation to join Vulcan Science Academy.  
Spock accepted the invitation to join Starfleet Academy.

Jim Kirk thinks Jack Straight Up is a fine man's drink.  
Jack Straight Up makes Jim Kirk think he can take on four cadets and win.  
Captain Pike is a fan of _Your Guide to Successful Ear Splitting Whistles in 30 days or Less_. {Become a fan.}  
Captain Pike needs to fill his cadet recruiting quota to level up in the Academy. {Click here to join his crew.}  
Jim Kirk and Leonard McCoy accepted Captain Pike's invitation to join his crew.  
Leonard McCoy is a fan of Dramamine and Air Sickness Bags. {Become a fan.}

Cadet Kirk friend requested Cadet Uhura.  
Cadet Uhura ignored Cadet Kirk's friend request.  
Cadet Kirk friend requested Cadet Uhura.  
Cadet Uhura blocked Cadet Kirk from her profile.

Cadet McCoy accepted Cadet Kirk's friend request.  
Cadet Uhura ignored Cadet McCoy's friend request.

Cadet Kirk is on level one of Pass the Kobayashi Maru.  
Cadet Kirk invited Cadet McCoy to join his Kobayashi Maru crew.  
Cadet McCoy reluctantly accepted Cadet Kirk's invitation to join his Kobayashi Maru crew.  
Cadet McCoy wrote on Cadet Kirk's wall: _You can't beat it. No one has ever beaten it._  
Commander Spock likes Cadet McCoy's comment.

Cadet Kirk reached level two of Pass the Kobyashi Maru.  
Cadet Kirk is the first to ever reach level four of Pass the Kobayashi Maru.  
Cadet Kirk thinks Commander Spock should take a chill over the Kobayashi Maru.  
Commander Spock thinks Cadet Kirk should know it sucks to be him, and he'll make sure.

Cadet Uhura heard something about an electrical storm in space.  
Cadet Gaila is a fan of Dumb Hicks from Iowa. {Become a fan.}

Cadet Uhura accepted Commander Spock's friend request.  
Cadet Uhura changed her relationship status from _single_ to _it's complicated_.

Cadet McCoy is a fan of Pointy Eared Hobgoblins. {Become a fan.}  
Commander Spock poked Cadet Uhura.  
Cadet Uhura poked Commander Spock back.

Captain Nero ignored Spock's friend request in both his realities.

Cadet Kirk wrote on Cadet McCoy's Wall:_ If you come near me with one more hypospray, I'll put it where the sun don't shine. And I don't mean outerspace._  
Commander Spock likes Cadet Kirk's comment on Cadet McCoy's wall.  
Captain Pike thinks Cadet Kirk should chill the f*^# down.  
Security Officer Cupcake has been permanently banned from SpaceBook for posting threats of bodily harm to other SpaceBook users on his wall.

Commander Spock requested someone explain the concept of Human humor to him so he could understand why Captain Pike joked that Cadet Kirk was now first officer.

Cadet Sulu friend requested Cadet Kirk.  
Cadet Kirk accepted Cadet Sulu's friend request and added him to his list: _People I've almost died saving_.  
Cadet Sulu sent Cadet Kirk an invitation to join his Ninja-Fencing-Warriors Clan.  
Cadet Kirk accepted Cadet Sulu's invitation to join his Ninja-Fencing-Warriors Clan and sent him a free retractable sword. {Click here to send your own free Ninja-Fencing-Warrior gifts.}  
Cadet Sulu unliked Starfleet Standard Issue Parachutes.

Cadet Sulu friend requested Cadet Chekov.  
Cadet Chekov accepted Cadet Sulu's friend request.  
Cadet Sulu wrote on Cadet Chekov's wall:_ Sure am glad you can do that._  
Cadet Kirk likes Cadet Sulu's post.  
Chekov is a fan of Mother Russia. {Become a fan.}

Captain Nero invited Captain Pike to an informal information sharing opportunity.  
Captain Pike attempted to decline Captain Nero's invitation.  
Captain Nero refused to accept no from Captain Pike.

Cadet Kirk thinks Vulcan nerve pinches suck.  
Commander Spock accepted Cadet Kirk's friend request just so he could immediately unfriend him.  
Cadet Kirk doesn't think he should stay in the pod and wait for rescue.  
Cadet Kirk wishes he could post pictures of the animals? insects? creatures? he encountered on Delta Vega but was too busy running for his life.

Cadet Kirk commented on Spock's status and wondered which Spock had written it._ We are meant to be friends? ORLY? SRSLY?_  
Cadet Kirk cannot discuss what happened on Delta Vega without creating universe-ending-cataclysmic-consequences.

Engineer Scott leveled up by discovering the formula for transwarp beaming.  
Engineer Scott became a fan of sandwiches. {Become a fan.}  
Engineer Scott became a fan of tribbles. {Become a fan.}  
Admiral Archer unfriended Engineer Scott and wants to know where his dog is.  
Engineer Scott invites you to join his water coolant tube surfing team. {Click here to join. Click here to build your own water coolant tube surfing course. Click here to invite your friends to join your water coolant tube surfing team.}  
Engineer Scott became a fan of escape hatches. {Become a fan.}  
Cadet Kirk accepted Engineer Scott's friend request.  
Engineer Scott is a fan of the Enterprise. {Become a fan.}

Commander Spock is emotionally compromised.  
Cadet Kirk changed his status to _Captain_.

Captain Kirk wrote on Captain Nero's wall: _Epic Fail_.  
Captain Nero is no longer online.

Commander Spock accepted Ambassador Spock's friend request.

Captain Kirk has 430 friend requests.


	2. SpaceBook Antics pt 2

Dr. Leonard McCoy changed his status to CMO.  
Hikaru Sulu changed his status to Helmsman.  
Pavel Chekov changed his status to Navigator.  
Nyota Uhura changed her status to Communications Officer.  
Montgomery Scott changed his status to Chief Engineer.  
Christopher Pike changed his status to Admiral.  
James T. Kirk left his status as Captain.

Commander Spock changed his status to First Officer and Chief Science Officer.

Lt. Uhura changed her relationship status from _It's Complicated_ to _Single_.  
Captain Kirk changed his relationship status from _Singlely Awesome_ to _In a Relationship_.  
Lt Uhura wrote on Captain Kirk's wall: If you hurt him, so help me, I will make sure you suffer.  
Dr. McCoy likes Lt. Uhrua's post.

Captain Kirk posted on Commander's Spock wall: Forward Observation Deck, 22:00. I'll bring the wine, you bring the blanket.  
Commander Spock commented on Captain Kirk's post: It is not entirely appropriate to advertise our rendezvous.  
Dr. McCoy likes Commander Spock's comment.  
Captain Kirk deleted his post on Commander Spock's wall and sent him a private event invitation.  
Commander Spock replied to Captain Kirk's private event invitation: I will see you there.

Dr. McCoy posted on Captain Kirk's wall: If you don't come to Medbay for your mandatory physical, Spock will see that you do.  
Captain Kirk unlikes Dr. McCoy's post.  
Commander Spock commented on Dr. McCoy's post: I will be certain he arrives on time.  
Captain Kirk commented on Commander Spock's comment: You'll have to catch me first. :-) And NO nerve pinches.

Ensign Chekov posted on Lt. Sulu's wall: For the last time, I vill NOT be your fencing partner.  
Lt. Sulu commented on Ensign Chekov's post: I promise I'll go easy on you. And fencing is a time-honored tradition in Russia.  
Ensign Chekov commented on Lt. Sulu's comment: I said nyet. No. Absolutely not. If you ask me again, I vill tell the Keptain.  
Captain Kirk posted on Lt. Sulu's wall: Leave Pavel alone, please. It's pathetic when he comes crying to me because you are chasing him with your sword.  
Lt. Sulu commented on Captain Kirk's post: That's not my _sword_, sir.  
420 people likes Lt. Sulu's comment.

Chief Engineer Scott posted on Captain Kirk's wall: I'm givin' it all I got.  
Captain Kirk commented on Chief Engineer Scott's post: I just wanted some more sandwiches, Scotty. Chill.  
Dr. McCoy commented on Captain Kirk's comment: Those sandwiches better not be on white bread with mayonnaise. You can't run while you're in space, and if you aren't careful, you're going to loose your girlish figure.  
Commander Spock commented on Dr. McCoy's comment: Not to worry, t'hy'la. More of you to love.  
Captain Kirk likes Commander Spock's comment.  
Dr. McCoy unlikes Commander Spock's comment.

Captain Kirk invited Dr. McCoy to be his minion on D&D Planet Paradise. {Click here to claim your own Planet.}  
Dr. McCoy commented on Captain Kirk's invitation: I'm a doctor, dammit. Not a Dungeon Master.  
Captain Kirk invited Dr. McCoy to be his neighbor on Area 51 Farm Town. {Click here to claim your own Area 51 Farm Town.}  
Dr. McCoy commented on Captain Kirk's invitation: I'm a doctor, dammit. Not an alien glowworm farmer.  
Captain Kirk invited Dr. McCoy to be join his crew on his Outer Space Pirateship. {Click here to claim your own Outer Space Pirateship.}  
Dr. McCoy commented on Captain Kirk's invitation: I'm a doctor, dammit. Not space pirate. And for the last time, STOP sending me invitations to these idiotic games. Not all of us suffer from ADD, you know.  
Commander Spock commented on Captain Kirk's invitation: How do you have time to play all of these games, _sir_?  
Captain Kirk commented on Commander Spock's comment: Captains don't work every shift, Commander. I have to have something to do when _you_ insist that you need to.  
Commander Spock commented on Captain Kirk's comment: I apologize. I will return to our quarters momentarily. And we will find more interesting pursuits to occupy your time.  
Captain Kirk likes Commander Spock's comment.  
Captain Kirk commented on Commander Spock's comment: Hurry. Mkay thnx.

Commander Spock poked Captain Kirk.  
Captain Kirk poked Commander Spock back.

Lt. Uhura is wondering how anyone as childish as Jim Kirk could become _Captain_ of anything.  
Commander Spock unlikes Lt. Uhura's status.  
Captain Kirk commented on Lt. Uhura's status: This childish _Captain_ can have you brought up on charges of insubordination.  
Commander Spock unlikes Captain Kirk's comment on Lt. Uhura's status.  
Dr. McCoy commented on Lt. Uhura's status: You are so right, Nyota.  
Captain Kirk commented on Dr. McCoy's comment: BFF or not, I'll bring you up on charges too.  
Commander Spock unlikes Captain Kirk's comment.  
Commander Spock commented on Captain Kirk's comment: Does this mean I am no longer your BFF?  
Captain Kirk commented on Commander Spock's comment: I told you - you are my BFF+ benefits. Bones is my (ex)BFF w/o benefits. Trust me – your kind of BFF+ is way better than the other kind.  
Dr. McCoy unlikes Captain Kirk's comment.  
Commander Spock commented on Captain Kirk's comment: Sorry. I forgot. BFF+. Got it.  
Captain Kirk likes Commander Spock's comment.  
Lt. Uhura is wondering why everyone keeps ignoring her. Am I not the hottest woman on this entire starship??? Hello!  
221 people like Lt. Uhura's status.


	3. SpaceBook Christmas Edition

Captain Kirk posted an e-vite to the shipwide Christmas party.  
Dr. McCoy commented on Captain Kirk's e-vite: Yeah - the time, date, and place are always helpful to include.  
Lt. Uhura likes Dr. McCoy's comment.  
Captain Kirk replied to Dr. McCoy's comment: That information is provided to only those who I want to attend.  
Commander Spock commented on Captain Kirk's post: "whom" not who  
Lt. Uhura likes Commander Spock's comment.  
Dr. McCoy replied to Captain Kirk's comment: Wait until I invite you for your next "physical."  
Lt. Uhura likes Dr. McCoy's post.  
Captain Kirk unlikes Dr. McCoy's post.  
Captain Kirk posted an e-vite to the shipwide Christmas party: 24 December (Std Earth – North America Calendar), 1800 (Std Ship's Time), Forward Observation Lounge. Everyone welcome.  
Dr. McCoy commented on Captain Kirk's e-vite: "Everyone?" This includes your (ex)BFF?  
Captain Kirk commented on Dr. McCoy's post: It wouldn't be a party without you! Your current and forever BFF.

Ensign Chekov posted on Lt. Sulu's wall: Stop snooping in my quarters. I did not order you a new sword for Christmas.  
Lt. Sulu replied to Ensign Chekov's post: I wasn't snooping. And I know you ordered me one. I can wait until Christmas for you to give it to me.  
Commander Spock posted to Ensign Chekov's wall: If you would like assistance in changing the access code to your quarters, I am available to advise you in reprogramming your door control in order to make it more secure. Even from the Captain.  
Captain Kirk unlikes Commander Spock's post.  
Ensign Chekov replied to Commander Spock's post: No thank you, sir.  
Ensign Chekov sent Lt. Sulu a private message: Not to worry, Hikaru. You can come in my quarters any time. But I did NOT order you a new sword.  
Lt. Sulu posted on Quartermaster Matherson's wall: Did Ensign Chekov get any long, narrow packages from Earth?  
Quartermaster Matherson replied to Lt. Sulu's post: I am not at liberty to discuss any delivers made to Enterprise. Especially not at this time of year.  
Lt. Sulu commented on Quartermaster Matherson post: Please?  
Quartermaster Matherson commented on Lt. Sulu's post: No. Don't ask again or I'll tell the Captain.  
Captain Kirk commented on Quartermaster Matherson post: No need. I got it. Hikaru, leave Matherson alone. Leave Pavel alone. Or Santa won't come to see you AT ALL.  
Commander Spock sent Captain Kirk a private message: Surely you do not believe in the Human myth of Santa?  
Captain Kirk responded to Commander Spock's private message: Maybe. Maybe not.

Captain Kirk invited all his minions to celebrate Saturnalia on D&D Planet Paradise. {Click here to celebrate Saturnalia on your own Planet.}  
Dr. McCoy commented on Captain Kirk's invitation: I'm a doctor, dammit. I am NOT your Dungeon minion. And I hate mead.  
Captain Kirk invited all his neighbors to celebrate Christmas on his Area 51 Farm Town. {Click here to celebrate Christmas on your own Area 51 Farm Town.}  
Dr. McCoy commented on Captain Kirk's invitation: I'm a doctor, dammit. I am NOT your Area 51 neighbor. I'm not even your friend.  
Captain Kirk invited his pirate crew to celebrate Maritime Christmas on his Outer Space Pirateship. {Click here to celebrate Maritime Christmas your own Outer Space Pirateship.}  
Dr. McCoy commented on Captain Kirk's invitation: For the last time, STOP sending me invitations to your stupid SpaceBook games. We have medication for ADD you know.

Captain Kirk posted on Chief Engineer Scott's wall: If there were a "still" on board, which clearly there is not since that would be against regulations, would you be able to bring that special ingredient for eggnog to the party?  
Chief Engineer Scott commented on Captain Kirk's post: If I knew anything about a "still" being on board, I would imagine that I could procure that special ingredient to add to the eggnog. If there were such a thing as a still. Which of course there is not.  
Commander Spock commented on Chief Engineer's post: I will never comprehend the Human tendency to tell themselves lies.  
Captain Kirk commented on Commander Spock's post: I'll explain it later. With visual aids. And maybe a PowerPoint presentation. If you know what I mean.  
Commander Spock commented on Captain Kirk's post: I do not know what you mean. I trust you will enlighten me as time permits.  
Captain Kirk commented on Commander Spock's post: You can be sure of that!

Lt. Uhura posted on Captain Kirk's wall: Is the crew permitted to wear casual clothes to the party, _Captain_?  
Captain Kirk commented on Lt. Uhura's post: God I hope so. That bright blue dress would be perfect.  
Lt. Uhura commented Captain Kirk's on post: What blue dress? I'm sure I have NO idea what you are talking about, _Captain_.  
Captain Kirk commented on Lt. Uhura's post: Please?  
Commander Spock commented on Captain Kirk's post: Is this an entirely appropriate discussion to be having in public?  
Lt. Uhura commented Commander Spock's on post: Not to worry, Commander. We all know he's really 4. And he's welcome to wear any color dress he wants.  
Dr. McCoy likes Lt. Uhura's post.  
Captain Kirk unlikes Lt. Uhura's post.

*:-)

Captain Kirk updated his status: If anyone tries to contact me before 1100, I will bring you up on charges. Deal with any red alerts yourself. And do NOT under any circumstance sound the alarms.  
Dr. McCoy commented on Captain Kirk's status: You have no one to blame but yourself. Will you let me give you the detox now?  
Captain Kirk commented on Dr. McCoy's post: I hate you. I hate everybody. Except Spock.  
Commander Spock commented on Captain Kirk's post: I love you too, t'hy'la. Even when you are grumpy from the hangover which is your own fault.  
Captain Kirk commented on Commander Spock's post: Leave me alone. Or kill me. Either one.  
334 people like Captain Kirk's post.


	4. SpaceBook for New Year's

**New Year's on SpaceBook**

Captain James T. Kirk resolves to be even more awesome, though he's not sure that's possible.  
Commander Spock unlikes Captain Kirk's post.  
Commander Spock fails to understand the point of resolutions.  
Chief Engineer Scott resolves to keep givin' it all I got.  
Captain Kirk likes Chief Scott's post.  
Dr. Leonard McCoy resolves to continue making Captain Kirk's life miserable whenever possible.  
Captain Kirk unlikes Dr. McCoy's post.  
Lt. Uhura resolves to bring Captain James T. Kirk down a peg. Or two.  
Dr. McCoy likes Lt. Uhura's post.  
Captain James T. Kirk unlikes Lt. Uhura's post.  
Lt. Hikaru Sulu resolves to teach Pavel Chekov to fence. With swords.  
Ensign Chekov resolves to learn to fence. With swords.

Captain James T. Kirk posted on Commander Spock's wall: You have to make a resolution. Everyone else has.  
Commander Spock commented on Captain Kirk's post: I see no logic in making resolutions. You make resolutions you cannot possibly keep.  
Captain Kirk commented on Commander Spock's post: Yeah, I know I'm as awesome as they come.  
Commander Spock unlikes Captain Kirk's post.  
Lt. Uhura commented on Captain Kirk's post: You are as awesome as they come if you define _awesome_ as childish, hard-headed, self-centered, and narcissistic, _Captain_.  
Captain Kirk unlikes Lt. Uhura's post.  
Captain Kirk commented on Lt. Uhura's post: Someone is resolving to be put on report the _entire_ new year, Lieutenant. And isn't using self-centered and narcissistic a little redundant?  
Commander Spock commented on Captain Kirk's post: If you wish to engage in verbal hostilities with Lt. Uhura, I would respectfully request that you do so on your own wall. And as narcissistic is defined as "an inordinate fascination with oneself; excessive self-love; vanity; self-centered," I would contend that both narcissistic and self-centered were unnecessary. Although I do not believe that you are guilty of possessing any of these characteristics.  
Lt. Uhura unlikes Commander Spock's post.

Captain Kirk invited Dr. McCoy to be his most powerful sorcerer on D&D Planet Paradise. {Click here to become a sorcerer on your own Planet.}  
Dr. McCoy commented on Captain Kirk's invitation: The only sorcery I'm interested in is curing your ADD. And I'm a doctor, dammit. NOT a sorcerer.  
Captain Kirk invited Dr. McCoy to be his head veterinarian on his Area 51 Farm Town. {Click here to find your own veterinarian for your Area 51 Farm Town.}  
Dr. McCoy commented on Captain Kirk's invitation: I want all the imaginary glowworms on your imaginary farm to die a horrible death. I'm a doctor, dammit. Not an imaginary veterinarian. Consider me your imaginary friend.  
Captain Kirk invited Dr. McCoy to be his ship's surgeon on his Outer Space Pirateship. {Click here to recruit your own ship's surgeon for your Outer Space Pirateship.}  
Dr. McCoy has blocked Captain Kirk from his SpaceBook profile.  
Dr. McCoy has removed his SpaceBook profile.  
Dr. McCoy is no longer on line.

Commander Spock posted on Captain Kirk's wall: Why do you insist on continually antagonizing Dr. McCoy in such a public manner? Was it your intention for him to remove all evidence of his existence from SpaceBook?  
Captain Kirk commented on Commander Spock's post: He'll be back. After all, we're still BFFs.  
Commander Spock commented Captain Kirk's post: Dr. McCoy asked me to convey a message to you: "Yeah, not so much."  
Lt. Uhura likes Commander Spock's comment.  
Captain Kirk unlikes Commander Spock's comment.

Ensign Chekov posted on Captain Kirk's wall: The most recent time I was in MedBay for sutures (completely unrelated to the fencing lessons I am taking with Hikaru), Dr. McCoy asked me to ask you if you will be at regular poker night. He said he would decide if he would be there when I got your answer to him.  
Captain Kirk commented on Ensign Chekov's post: Tell him for me that of course I'll be there. I know he will too because we are _still_ BFFs.  
Ensign Chekov commented on Captain Kirk's post: I told him what you said when I was back in MedBay for sutures (completely unrelated to the fencing lessons I am taking with Hikaru), and he told me to tell you that IF he decides to come, you will leave many credits lighter. And without your shirt.  
Lt. Uhura posted on Captain Kirk's wall: Why are you dragging poor Pavel into your lovers' quarrel?  
Commander Spock posted on Captain Kirk's wall: We are not engaged in a lovers' quarrel, Nyota. I do not know to what you are referring.  
Lt. Uhura commented on Commander Spock's post: Not you and the Captain. The Captain and Dr. McCoy. Try to keep up.  
Commander Spock commented on Lt. Uhura's post: I find your explanation illogical. And with what should I endeavor keep up?  
Lt. Uhura commented on Commander Spock's post: Never mind. Ask the _Captain_ to explain it to you.  
Captain Kirk commented on Lt. Uhura's post: I'll be glad to explain anything you want, t'hy'la. In our quarters. Now would be good.  
Commander Spock sent Captain Kirk a private message: I will report to our quarters immediately. And I trust in future you will issue such invitations privately.  
Captain Kirk responded to Commander Spock's private message: I'm sorry – I forgot. Only private invitations from now on. I promise.

Commander Spock poked Captain Kirk.  
Captain Kirk poked Commander Spock.

Lt. Uhura thinks everyone on USS Enterprise should resolve to pay her the attention she so totally deserves. Except the _Captain_. His attention she's fine without.  
Captain Kirk unlikes Lt. Uhura's post.  
223 people like Lt. Uhura's post.  
Captain Kirk threatened to put 223 SpaceBook users on report.  
222 people unlike Lt. Uhura's post.  
Dr. McCoy likes Lt. Uhura's post.  
Dr. McCoy has blocked Captain Kirk from his SpaceBook profile. Dr. McCoy re-friend-requested 433 members of the crew.  
Commander Spock accepted Dr. McCoy's re-friend request.  
Commander Spock posted on Dr. McCoy's wall: I'm really sorry, Bones. Please tell me we're still BFFs!  
Dr. McCoy commented on Commander Spock's post: Does Spock know you are using his SpaceBook account, _Captain_?  
Commander Spock commented on Dr. McCoy's post: Unblock and re-friend me. Then he won't have to find out.  
Dr. McCoy reluctantly unblocked Captain Kirk from his profile and reluctantly accepted Captain Kirk's re-friend request.  
Captain Kirk posted on Dr. McCoy's wall: Thank you! You really do rock the most!!  
Lt Uhura posted on Dr. McCoy's wall: Again people!! I'm not feeling the love!!


	5. SpaceBook on Shoreleave

Captain Kirk is chill-laxing on shoreleave at a double-top secret location with my BFF (+benefits) and my BFF (-benefits). Life Is Good!  
Commander Spock is on shoreleave.  
Dr. McCoy is on shoreleave and is wondering why I ever said yes. OMG – what was I thinking??  
Captain Kirk commented on Dr. McCoy's status: You were thinking that you couldn't live without me for two weeks. And you know it!

Captain Kirk poked Commander Spock.  
Commander Spock poked Captain Kirk.

Lt. Uhura is on shoreleave at home surrounded by my family who think I may have completely lost my mind. I've assured them I do not have the corner on crazy – that title belongs to _Captain_ Kirk.  
Captain Kirk unlikes Lt. Uhura's status.  
Dr. McCoy likes Lt. Uhura's status.

Lt. Sulu is on shoreleave with my BFF. Going deep sea diving tomorrow. (Oh crap – I hope Captain Kirk doesn't see this.)  
Captain Kirk commented on Lt. Sulu's status: Didn't you promise to return to the Enterprise all in one piece this time?  
Lt. Sulu commented on Captain Kirk's post: I'll be careful. I promise. There aren't any sharks here. Well, not too many.  
Captain Kirk commented on Lt. Sulu's post: What does Pavel think of your plans?  
Ensign Chekov commented on Captain Kirk's post: I'm not the boss of him, Captain.  
Captain Kirk sent Ensign Chekov a private message: Pavel, you better change your SpaceBook password. Hikaru is posting on it again.  
Ensign Chekov replied to Captain Kirk's message: Thank you, Captain. I vill change my passvord.

Chief Engineer Scott is on the spacestation checking on repairs to my starship.  
Captain Kirk commented on Chief Engineer Scott's status: She's _my_ starship.  
Chief Engineer Scott unlikes Captain Kirk's post.  
Commander Spock commented on Captain Kirk's post: It is technically Starfleet's starship.  
Captain Kirk unlikes Commander Spock's post.  
Chief Engineer Scott unlikes Commander Spock's post.

Captain Kirk promoted Dr. McCoy to Dragon Keeper on his D&D Planet Paradise. This gains Captain Kirk a second castle. {Click here to promote your own Dragon Keeper. Click here to see how you can gain a second castle.}  
Dr. McCoy commented on Captain Kirk's post: I'm a doctor, dammit. Not your Dragon Keeper. There are no dragons. And you are no longer my friend.  
Captain Kirk promoted Dr. McCoy to Chief Farmer and Harvester on his Area 51 Farm Town. {Click here to promote your own Chief Farmer and Harvester on your Area 51 Farm Town. This gains Captain Kirk a new green and yellow John Deere Tractor. Click here to see how you can gain your own green and yellow John Deere Tractor.}  
Dr. McCoy commented on Captain Kirk's invitation: I'm a doctor, dammit. I am not now nor will I ever be your anything on any imaginary farm, pirateship, or planet paradise. Leave me alone.  
Captain Kirk promoted Dr. McCoy to his First Officer on his Outer Space Pirateship. {Click here to promote your First Officer on your own Outer Space Pirateship. This gains Captain Kirk a Outer Space Piratecruiser. Click here to see you can gain your own Outer Space Piratecruiser.}  
Dr. McCoy commented on Captain Kirk's invitation: WTF? And stop using me so you can level up on your stupid games.  
Commander Spock commented on Captain Kirk's invitations: I recommend you no longer annoy Dr. McCoy with your childish fascination with imaginary farms, pirateships, or planets. And before you ask, no, I will NOT be your neighbor, dragon keeper, or imaginary First Officer. I am your actual First Officer. That's privilege enough for one Vulcan lifetime.  
Captain Kirk commented on Commander Spock's post: I thought Vulcans didn't employ sarcasm.  
Commander Spock commented on Captain Kirk's post: Only when it is appropriate, _Captain_.  
Captain Kirk commented on Commander Spock's post: Not you too. (sigh)  
Commander Spock commented on Captain Kirk's post: I am certain I do not know to what you are referring, sir.  
Captain Kirk commented on Commander Spock's post: Sarcasm does not become you, my love.  
Dr. McCoy commented on Captain Kirk's post: I think sarcasm becomes him quite well. Carry on, Mr. Spock.  
Commander Spock likes Dr. McCoy's post.  
Captain Kirk unlikes Dr. McCoy's post.

Captain Kirk SpaceBook chatted with Dr. McCoy: Whatever. I thought you weren't talking to me.  
Dr. McCoy SpaceBook chatted with Captain Kirk: I am sitting right next to you, you hyper-active infant. WHY are you instant messaging me?  
Captain Kirk SpaceBook chatted with Dr. McCoy: Chill, dude. I'm surprised you even know how to SpaceBook chat.  
Dr. McCoy SpaceBook chatted with Captain Kirk: I'm not that old. And you will never get to be this old. Not if I have anything to say about it.  
Captain Kirk SpaceBook chatted with Dr. McCoy: You know you love me. You couldn't live without me.  
Dr. McCoy SpaceBook chatted with Captain Kirk: wtevr  
Captain Kirk SpaceBook chatted with Dr. McCoy: Whatever? I'm not sure that's how you chat that. I'll check with Spock.  
Dr. McCoy SpaceBook chatted with Captain Kirk: IDC  
Captain Kirk SpaceBook chatted with Dr. McCoy: Infinite Diversity Combinations?  
Dr. McCoy SpaceBook chatted with Captain Kirk: I Don't Care  
Dr. McCoy is no longer on-line.

Commander Spock SpaceBook chatted with Captain Kirk: You. Me. Our bedroom?  
Captain Kirk SpaceBook chatted with Commander Spock: YES

Commander Spock poked Captain Kirk.  
Captain Kirk poked Commander Spock.

Ensign Chekov posted to his wall: Hikaru should be out of hospital in four days.  
Captain Kirk commented on Ensign Chekov's post: OMG What did he do this time???  
Ensign Chekov commented on Captain Kirk's post: Broke his right leg. Broke his left arm. And fractured his skull.  
Captain Kirk commented on Ensign Chekov's post: WTF How did he do that???  
Ensign Chekov commented on Captain Kirk's post: And broke his nose. Cliff diving. The rocks vere bigger than they looked. That's vhat he said vhen he vas conscious a few minutes ago.  
Captain Kirk commented on Ensign Chekov's post: NFW Tell him for me when I see him I'm going to kill him. And I mean that in the kindest way possible.  
Ensign Chekov commented on Captain Kirk's post: I vill tell him, sir.  
Dr. McCoy commented on Ensign Chekov's post: Do I need to come, Pavel? I can be there in five hours.  
Ensign Chekov commented on Dr. McCoy's post: No thank you, sir. I could never ask that of you. You are on shoreleave also. The doctors said he is in the stable and vill make a full recovery.  
Dr. McCoy commented on Ensign Chekov's post: Alright. If you want me to come, it's not a sacrifice, I can promise you. And the doctors must of said he was "stable" not in the stable.  
Ensign Chekov commented on Dr. McCoy's post: Yes, sir. That vas it. He is stable. Sorry. I'll let you know if he vants you to come. Once he vakes up again.  
Commander Spock commented on Ensign Chekov's post: Please let Lt. Sulu know we are thinking of him and look forward to seeing him on board the Enterprise at the end of shoreleave.  
Ensign Chekov commented on Commander Spock's post: Thank you, sir. I vill tell Hikaru know as soon as he vakes up again.

Captain Kirk is chill-laxing in his new double-top secret location for the second half of shoreleave along with his BFF (+benefits) and his BFF (-benefits).  
Commander Spock is relieved that the second location of shoreleave is considerably warmer than the first location. This location is more conducive to the clothing optional option.  
Dr. McCoy commented on Commander Spock's post: "clothing optional option"? Really?  
Commander Spock commented on Dr. McCoy's post: How would you term it, Doctor?  
Dr. McCoy commented on Commander Spock's post: First, he better not be "clothing optional" anywhere I can see him. And second, how about clothing optional opportunity?  
Commander Spock commented on Dr. McCoy's post: A person cannot be "clothing optional," Doctor. Only a situation can.  
Dr. McCoy commented on Commander Spock's post: Stop being so literal you green-bloodied hobgoblin.  
Captain Kirk commented on Dr. McCoy's post: Guys. Guys. Enough with the squabbling. We're on vacation. Let's go swimming!  
Dr. McCoy commented on Captain Kirk's post: Only if you promise to keep your bathing suit on this time.  
Captain Kirk commented on Dr. McCoy's post: I promise. Race you to the ocean!  
Commander Spock commented on Captain Kirk's post: I too will join you for some recreational aquatic activity.

Captain Kirk is back aboard my starship. I'll be down to MedBay for some magical sunburn curing lotion. You don't have to worry, Bones. Spock will put it on for me.  
Commander Spock is back aboard the Enterprise. And I will NOT be putting lotion on any part of your anatomy, Captain. Not until your self inflicted sunburn has completed healed. Nor will I be sleeping in the same bed with you until the aforementioned sunburn has finished peeled.  
Captain Kirk unlikes Commander Spock's status.  
Dr. McCoy is reluctantly back and hiding from certain command personnel who I've spent too much time with. The analgesic lotion will be delivered to your quarters, _Captain._ I have no need to see your sunburn. Not in this lifetime.  
Commander Spock commented on Dr. McCoy's post: "with whom I've spent too much time."  
Dr. McCoy is no longer on-line.

Lt. Uhura is back aboard the Enterprise and is glad.  
Captain Kirk likes Lt. Uhura's status.  
Lt. Uhura is wondering if the sunburn is the reason the _Captain_ hasn't sat down this entire shift.  
Captain Kirk unlikes Lt. Uhura's status.

Chief Engineer Scott is on shoreleave. Risa is beautiful this time of year.

Ensign Chekov is not yet back on the Enterprise. Hikaru will be released tomorrow then ve'll be back.  
Ensign Chekov is posting for Lt. Sulu who doesn't yet have use of both hands: We'll be back day after tomorrow.  
Captain Kirk commented on Ensign Chekov's post: I'm still going to kill you, Hikaru. And you are NEVER going on shoreleave again.  
Ensign Chekov commented on Captain Kirk's post on behalf of Lt. Sulu: Understood, sir.


	6. SpaceBook MidWinter Edition

SpaceBook – Updates

Captain Kirk is watching the livestream of the Starfleet Winter Games and wishing he could see them in person. Maybe next year we'll be close enough to Naenrak to attend them. Commander Spock commented on Captain Kirk's status: By _attend_, you mean _watch_, right, sir?  
Dr. McCoy commented on Captain Kirk's status: If you think for one minute you will be competing in the Starfleet Winter Games, you are more delusioned than I ever thought.  
Commander Spock commented on Dr. McCoy's post: I believe you mean delusional, not delusioned.  
Dr. McCoy commented on Commander Spock's post: STFU you green-bloodied hobgoblin.  
Captain Kirk commented on Dr. McCoy's post: Name-calling is uncalled for. And I only meant _attend_.

Lt. Sulu commented on Captain Kirk's status: Is fencing part of the Starfleet Winter Games?  
Captain Kirk commented on Lt. Sulu's post: No, that's summer.  
Lt. Sulu commented on Captain Kirk's post: Can I compete, sir?  
Captain Kirk commented on Lt. Sulu's post: It's fine with me. What does Pavel say?  
Ensign Chekov commented on Captain Kirk's post: Are you going to Naenrak without me?  
Captain Kirk commented on Ensign Chekov's post: I think you posted your comment on the wrong wall, Pavel.  
Ensign Chekov commented on Captain Kirk's post: Da, Captain, I apologize.  
Ensign Chekov commented on Lt. Sulu's post: Are you, Hikaru?  
Lt. Sulu commented on Ensign Chekov's post: Of course not, Pavel. I'm sure if I go to Naenrak, the Captain will allow you to go with me.  
Captain Kirk commented on Lt. Sulu's post: Of course you can go, Pavel. That's why you have spousal assignments.  
Ensign Chekov commented on Captain Kirk's post: Спасибо, thank you, Captain.

Lt. Uhura is shopping for new shoes on ZappoInterGalatic.  
Captain Kirk commented on Lt. Uhura's post: Aren't you on duty, _Lieutenant_?  
Lt. Uhura is no longer on-line.  
Commander Spock commented on Captain Kirk's post: Are you not on duty, _Captain_?  
Captain Kirk is no longer on-line.

Chief Engineer Scott is on-line researching new zymurgy methods.  
Captain Kirk commented on Chief Engineer Scott's post: You know about zymurgy too? I never read about it in feng shui.  
Commander Spock sent Captain Kirk a private message: As I have explained previously, zymurgy is fermentation, not a sexual position. In addition, karma sutra addresses sexual positions. Feng shui addresses interior decorating.  
Captain Kirk deleted his comment on Chief Engineer Scott's post.  
Captain Kirk replied to Commander Spock's private message: Oh. Sorry. You did tell me. Hey, I have an idea – let's _invent_ a new sexual position and call it zymurgy.  
Commander Spock replied to Captain Kirk's private message: I am amenable to that idea. I will be in our quarters very shortly.

Captain Kirk poked Commander Spock.  
Commander Spock poked Captain Kirk.

Dr. McCoy is on-line researching the next generation of ADD drugs. Lizdexatfetamyrele Dyntesyladexer looks promising, especially the injectable form.  
Captain Kirk commented on Dr. McCoy's post: I didn't know you suffered from ADD.  
Dr. McCoy commented on Captain Kirk's post: I suffer from _yours_. For the millionth time, I don't have it. _You_ do.  
Commander Spock unlikes Dr. McCoy's post.  
Captain Kirk posted on Commander Spock's wall: Thank you, t'hy'la.

Chief Engineer Scott found a new method of zymurgy. Now, does anybody have a couple of tons of Quinoa or Chreyp I can borrow?  
Ensign Chekov commented on Chief Engineer Scott's post: In Mother Russia, where zymurgy was inwented, ve use пшеница.  
Chief Engineer Scott commented on Ensign Chekov's comment: Thank you, Pavel. But I don't speak Russian so I don't know what it is you've said.  
Lt. Sulu commented on Chief Engineer Scott's post: It means wheat. And fermentation wasn't invented in Russia. The cavemen did it when they weren't running from dinosaurs.  
Ensign Chekov unlikes Lt. Sulu's comment.

Captain Kirk appointed Dr. McCoy as Dungeon Master for both his castles on his D&D Planet Paradise. {Click here to appoint your own Dungeon Master.} This gains Captain Kirk a Fierce Fire-Breathing Dungeon Dragon. {Click here to see how you can gain your own Fierce Fire-Breathing Dungeon Dragon.}Dr. McCoy commented on Captain Kirk's post: I'm a doctor, dammit. Not your Dungeon Master. There are no dragons, fire-breathing or otherwise. And BTW starships don't have dungeons. If they did, that's where I'd put _you_.  
Captain Kirk unlikes Dr. McCoy's post.

Captain Kirk needs 6 more dragon masters to gain a third castle. {Click here to become one of Captain Kirk's dragon masters.}

Captain Kirk appointed Dr. McCoy as Chief Glow-Worm Wrangler on his Area 51 Farm Town. {Click here to appoint your own Chief Glow-Worm Wrangler on your Area 51 Farm Town.} This  
gains Captain Kirk a new three story red barn. {Click here to see how you can gain your own three story red barn.}  
Dr. McCoy commented on Captain Kirk's post: I'm a doctor, dammit. For the last and final time, I am not now nor will I ever be your anything on any imaginary farm, pirateship, or planet paradise. If you don't leave me alone, so help me, I'll sedate you for the rest of your life. Which means no zymurgy or poking with Spock _ever again_.  
Commander Spock commented on Dr. McCoy's post: _For the last and final time_ is unnecessarily redundant.  
Dr. McCoy unlikes Commander Spock's post.  
Captain Kirk likes Commander Spock's post.

Captain Kirk needs 8 more glow-worm farmer neighbors to gain a second Area 51 Farm. {Click here to become one of Captain Kirk's neighbors.}

Captain Kirk appointed Dr. McCoy to Captain on his Secondary Outer Space Piratecruiser. {Click here to appoint your Captain on your own Secondary Outer Space Piratecruiser.} This gains Captain Kirk a Planetary Pirate Hideaway. {Click here to see you can gain your own Planetary Pirate Hideaway.}  
Dr. McCoy commented on Captain Kirk's invitation: WTF?  
Dr. McCoy is no longer on-line.

Captain Kirk needs 7 more pirate crewmembers to gain a third Outer Space Piratecruiser. {Click here to join Captain Kirk's pirate crew.} (_Consider it an order_.)  
233 people have joined Captain Kirk's pirate crew. This gains Captain Kirk 16 Outer Space Piratecruisers, 2 Planetary Pirate Hideaways, 5 Pirate Space Ports, and crowns Captain Kirk Eternal King of All Outer Space Pirates.  
Commander Spock commented on Captain Kirk's post: I do not believe it is within your authority as Captain to order your crewmembers to assist you in obtaining fanciful titles and/or properties in imaginary realities, sir.  
Captain Kirk commented on Commander Spock's post: Maybe not. But it worked.

Commander Spock SpaceBook chatted with Dr. McCoy: I'm sorry. You're right. I won't ask you again to play any of my SpaceBook games. Will you please re-friend me?  
Dr. McCoy SpaceBook chatted with Commander Spock: Does Spock know you are using his SpaceBook account _again_?  
Commander Spock SpaceBook chatted with Dr. McCoy: He's cool with it 'cause we're tight like that. Chill, dude.  
Captain Kirk SpaceBook chatted with Commander Spock: I am not "cool with it," sir. And I have repeatedly asked you not to use my SpaceBook account to contact the Doctor. Or any other member of your crew.  
Dr. McCoy SpaceBook chatted with Commander Spock: Ooohhh…busted!!  
Commander Spock SpaceBook chatted with Dr. McCoy: STFU.  
Dr. McCoy SpaceBook chatted with Commander Spock: wtvr  
Commander Spock SpaceBook chatted with Captain Kirk: I'm sorry, t'hy'la. But he wouldn't talk to me. I won't use your account again.  
Captain Kirk SpaceBook chatted with Commander Spock: I understand. I will not change my password this time.  
Dr. McCoy SpaceBook chatted with Captain Kirk: Stop using "green-bloodied hobgoblin" and he wouldn't figure it out.  
Captain Kirk SpaceBook chatted with Dr. McCoy: I have not in the past nor will I ever in the future use any of the insults which you so casually hurl at me as my password.  
Commander Spock SpaceBook chatted with Dr. McCoy: Ha!  
Dr. McCoy SpaceBook chatted with Commander Spock: STFU.  
Dr. McCoy is no longer on-line.  
Commander Spock SpaceBook chatted with Captain Kirk: You. Me. Our Quarters. Zymurgy.  
Captain Kirk is no longer on-line.  
Commander Spock is no longer on-line.

Commander Spock poked Captain Kirk.  
Captain Kirk poked Commander Spock.

Lt. Uhura is off duty and shopping on-line at ZappoInterGalatic.  
Nurse Chapel commented on Lt. Uhura's status: OMG did you see those red boots with the four inch heels? I mean. I think I'm going to order them.  
Lt. Uhura commented on Nurse Chapel's post: Saw 'em. Ordered 'em. Should have them in 6 Earth business days, providing the MailShip can find us.  
Nurse Chapel commented on Lt. Uhura's post: OMG. I have to have them too. That okay?  
Lt. Uhura commented on Nurse Chapel's post: Absolutely. The two hottest women on this boat should have the hottest shoes!  
Captain Kirk commented on Lt. Uhura's post: Ship.  
Lt. Uhura commented on Captain Kirk's post: Wtvr. Don't you have more important things to do than spy on us, _Captain_?  
Captain Kirk commented on Lt. Uhura's post: Nothing more interesting. Why do women need so many freakin' shoes? Srsly??  
Nurse Chapel commented on Captain Kirk's post: It's a woman thing, sir. Don't try to understand it.  
Commander Spock commented on Captain Kirk's post: I believe that I can find something more interesting to engage your time, sir.

Captain Kirk is no longer on-line.  
Commander Spock is no longer on-line.


	7. SpaceBook Summertime

Captain Kirk tagged Commander Spock in his album _My Summer Vacation on New Vulcan_.  
Doctor McCoy commented on Captain Kirk's album: You weren't on vacation. We were there because Sarek is mad at you.  
Commander Spock commented on Captain Kirk's album: It is not accurate to state that my father felt anger toward the Captain. It was an unfortunate misunderstanding which we have straightened out.  
Doctor McCoy commented on Captain Kirk's album: Not the story I heard.  
Captain Kirk commented on his album: What'd you hear, Bones? That I am awesome and the Vulcans love me?  
Doctor McCoy commented on Captain Kirk's album: Hardly. More like the Ambassador had to save your ass from the fire when Sarek found out you and Spock are already married.  
Captain Kirk commented on his album: Yeah, about that, _Doctor_. How'd he find out? Any ideas?  
Doctor McCoy commented on Captain Kirk's album: I'm sure I don't know what you are talking about. Maybe the heat got to you worse than I thought.  
Captain Kirk commented on his album: Right. And I'm King of England.  
Doctor McCoy commented on Captain Kirk's album: The heat definitely got to you. I'm ordering bed rest and isolation for 48 hours.  
Commander Spock commented on Captain Kirk's album: I do not believe that Doctor McCoy is the one who told my father of our marriage. It is of no importance. He has accepted our bond and wishes us only the very best.  
Lieutenant Uhura commented on Captain Kirk's album: Yeah yeah yeah. Where are the pictures from the rest of the time we were on the planet? I want Christine to see the new bathing suit I bought. It's the cutest ever.  
Captain Kirk commented on his album: Apparently the rest of the pictures were overexposed. They didn't turn out.  
Lieutenant Uhura commented on Captain Kirk's album: You can't overexpose digital photos, _Captain_. And I find out you have those pictures in a secret stash somewhere, you will hear a whole new vocabulary for ways you can go *&%&* yourself.  
Doctor McCoy likes Lt. Uhura's comment.  
Captain Kirk unlikes Lt. Uhura's comment.  
Commander Spock unlikes Lt. Uhura's comment.  
Commander Spock commented on Captain Kirk's album: That is not appropriate, Lieutenant. I am the only one who *&%&* the Captain.  
Captain Kirk likes Commander Spock's comment.  
Lieutenant Uhura commented on Captain Kirk's album: Sorry. Got carried away. Spock, I trust you to make sure that infant doesn't print any of the pictures he took while we were at hotel pool.  
Commander Spock commented on Captain Kirk's album: I will see to it, Nyota. You need not worry.

Captain Kirk sent Commander Spock a private message: Come to our quarters when you get a chance and I'll show you the pictures of Uhura in her new bikini.  
Commander Spock responded to Captain Kirk's private message: That would be most inappropriate, t'hy'la. You must delete them as you promised.  
Captain Kirk responded to Commander Spock's private message: Spoilsport.  
Commander Spock responded to Captain Kirk's private message: I will make it up to you. I am on my way to our quarters.

Commander Spock poked Captain Kirk.  
Captain Kirk poked Commander Spock.

Ambassador Spock friend requested Commander Spock.  
Commander Spock accepted Ambassador Spock's friend request.  
Ambassador Spock wrote on Commander Spock's wall: I have talked extensively with our father. I have assured him that you and Jim are repeating history. He is accepting of your marriage and your bond. Please consider his reaction no further.  
Commander Spock commented on Ambassador Spock's post: I appreciate your assistance. I did not anticipate the full extent of our father's negative reaction to the news of our bond. I had believed that he would be appreciative of the comfort and companionship provided to me by my Jim.  
Captain Kirk commented on Ambassador Spock's post: "Comfort and companionship?" Really? Not love? Not awesome you-know-what? I give you comfort and companionship?  
Ambassador Spock commented on his post: Perhaps this is a conversation best had in person, Jim.  
Commander Spock commented on Ambassador Spock's post: You know how important you are to me, t'hy'la. It is not customary for Vulcans to use the traditional words to express the true depth of my regard for you. You must never doubt that _i(heart)u.  
_Captain Kirk commented on Ambassador Spock's post: I less than 3 you too. I'm sorry. I do understand. Sorry Amb. Spock. We'll stop having these discussions on your wall, I promise.  
Ambassador Spock commented on his post: I understand, Jim. No harm no foul.  
Captain Kirk commented on Ambassador Spock's post: No harm no foul? Bwhahahaha…. You crack me up. Can you teach my Spock to make jokes too?  
Ambassador Spock commented on his post: Your Spock will learn in time, Jim. As I have.  
Commander Spock commented on Ambassador Spock's post: I am still on line.  
Captain Kirk commented on Ambassador Spock's post: Not for long. Come to our quarters and I'll give you comfort and companionship.

Commander Spock is no longer on line.  
Captain Kirk is no longer on line.

Captain Kirk friend requested Ambassador Spock.  
Ambassador Spock accepted Captain Kirk's friend request.  
Doctor McCoy friend requested Ambassador Spock and sent him a private message: Just so you know, you'll now start getting hundreds of requests from the stupid games Jim plays on SpaceBook. Ignore them, for the sake of your sanity. Eventually you may be forced to unfriend him. I have. 12 times so far.  
Ambassador Spock accepted Doctor McCoy's friend request and responded to his private message: Understood, Doctor. I know that the inordinate number of games available on SpaceBook can be quite a temptation to someone as intelligent and curious as is Captain Kirk.  
Doctor McCoy responded to Ambassador Spock's private message: Intelligent and curious, huh? I prefer hyperactive and childish myself.  
Ambassador Spock responded to Doctor McCoy's private message: I can certainly understand that. Yet he still manages to be charming and captivating.  
Doctor McCoy responded to Ambassador Spock's private message: Yours was maybe. Not so much with this one.  
Ambassador Spock responded to Doctor McCoy's private message: LOL  
Doctor McCoy responded to Ambassador Spock's private message: OMG. I can't believe you just did that!

Lieutenant Sulu tagged Ensign Chekov in his album _Yes, It Is As Hot As Hell  
_Ensign Chekov commented on Lieutenant Sulu's album: You still need a haircut, Karu.  
Lieutenant Sulu commented on his album: As soon as the Doctor releases me, I'll take care of it.  
Doctor McCoy commented on Lieutenant Sulu's album: How many times did I tell you NOT to bodysurf down that sand dune? How many?  
Ensign Chekov commented on Lieutenant Sulu's album: 14 times, sir. Although 3 of those were after he had done it and already had those burns on his stomach and hands.  
Doctor McCoy commented on Lieutenant Sulu's album: Don't forget the 2nd degree sunburn on his back because he thought doing it without a shirt was a good idea! Good God man. You're worse than the Captain!  
Captain Kirk unlikes Doctor McCoy's comment.  
Lieutenant Sulu commented on his album: I'm really sorry, Doctor. I didn't mean to get so burnt.  
Captain Kirk commented on Lieutenant Sulu's album: Not to worry, Hikaru. Bones will forgive you. Trust me. I know from experience.  
Doctor McCoy commented on Lieutenant Sulu's album: Don't go puttin' fool ideas into his head, _ Captain_. You're already a full time job. Between the two of you, it's a wonder I ever get any sleep.  
Lieutenant Sulu unlikes Doctor McCoy's comment.  
Captain Kirk unlikes Doctor McCoy's comment.  
Commander Spock and 433 others like Doctor McCoy's comment.  
Captain Kirk commented on Lieutenant Sulu's album: I can have you all put on report!  
432 unlike Doctor McCoy's comment.

Chief Engineer Scott tagged the USS Enterprise in his album _Latest Upgrades to the Engines of My Starship.  
_Captain Kirk commented on Chief Engineer Scott's album: She's _my_ starship.  
Doctor McCoy commented on Chief Engineer Scott's album: OMG not again! Please stop this right now.  
Commander Spock commented on Chief Engineer Scott's album: You will never be able to stop them. Ignore them as I do.  
Chief Engineer Scott commented on his album: It's my job to keep her flying. That makes her mine, _Captain.  
_Captain Kirk commented on Chief Engineer Scott's album: Try to keep her flying without me. See how long that lasts.  
Commander Spock commented on Chief Engineer Scott's album: The Enterprise belongs to the United Federation of Planets. It is not the personal property of anyone. Neither Captain nor Chief Engineer.  
Captain Kirk commented on Chief Engineer Scott's album: Stop being so literal, t'hy'la. And don't spoil our fun. We love arguing about who she belongs to.  
Commander Spock commented on Chief Engineer Scott's album: "to whom she belongs." And I can think of more interesting ways for you to have 'fun', _sir.  
_Captain Kirk commented on Chief Engineer Scott's album: I hear that. You. Me. Our quarters. Ten minutes.  
Commander Spock commented on Chief Engineer Scott's album: Absolutely, sir.

Commander Spock poked Captain Kirk.  
Captain Kirk poked Commander Spock.

Doctor McCoy tagged the crew of the Enterprise in his album _This Is Why I Am Always "Grumpy"  
_Captain Kirk commented on Doctor McCoy's album: I'm telling you, it wasn't my fault this time.  
Doctor McCoy commented on his album: How it is not your fault? You are the reason we had to go to Vulcan in the first place. You are the reason we had to spend four nights sleeping in _tents_ for God's sake. You are the reason Sulu decided to bodysurf down the dune. "Double-dog dare you." Good God man – you're a Starship _Captain_! How can you double-dog dare anybody to do anything? You aren't three years old!  
Lieutenant Sulu commented on Doctor McCoy's album: He didn't really dare me, Doctor. I just said he did so Pavel wouldn't yell at me any longer.  
Doctor McCoy commented on his album: Sure, Hikaru. Sure I believe that. And yes I did just fall off a turnip truck.  
Commander Spock commented on Doctor McCoy's album: What do modes of transporting vegetation have to do with the Captain issuing challenges of a canine nature to the Lieutenant?  
Doctor McCoy commented on his album: OMG, Spock. STFU already.  
Commander Spock commented on Doctor McCoy's album: Understood.

Captain Kirk sent Lieutenant Sulu a private message: Thanks, Hikaru. Appreciate the save. Too bad nobody believes you.  
Lieutenant Sulu responded to Captain Kirk's private message: Oh well. At least I tried. But next time you double-dog dare me to do anything, I will kill you.  
Captain Kirk responded Lieutenant Sulu's private message: Understood.

Captain Kirk staked a claim to his own private asteroid field. {Click here to stake claim to your own asteroid field.}  
Captain Kirk sent Doctor McCoy an invitation to pilot his spaceflyer through his asteroid field on his way to the Golden Palace of Perfection. This shortcut can save Doctor McCoy eight minutes and 3 cubes of spaceflyer fuel.  
Doctor McCoy responded to Captain Kirk's invitation: Please, in the name of all that is now, ever was, or ever will be holy, leave me the f*^# alone.  
Captain Kirk sent Ambassador Spock an invitation to pilot his spaceflyer through his asteroid field on his way to the Golden Palace of Perfection. This shortcut can save Ambassador Spock eight minutes and 3 cubes of spaceflyer fuel.  
Ambassador Spock successfully piloted his spaceflyer through Captain Kirk's asteroid field and arrived at the Golden Palace of Perfection to claim his own asteroid field. {Click here to stake claim to your own asteroid field.}

Captain Kirk built a mansion on his Pirate Paradise. {Click here to learn how to build your own mansion.}  
Captain Kirk invited Ambassador Spock to be his neighbor on Pirate Paradise.

Ambassador Spock accepted Captain Kirk's invitation to be his neighbor on Pirate Paradise. This gains Captain Kirk a new dock. {Click here to learn how you can gain your own dock.}  
Ambassador Spock captured an enemy Pirateship on Pirate Paradise and added it to his Pirate fleet. {Click here to learn how to build your own Pirate fleet.}  
Ambassador Spock invited Captain Kirk to Captain the latest addition to his Pirate Fleet.  
Captain Kirk accepted Ambassador Spock's invitation to Captain his latest Pirateship. This gains Ambassador Spock 12 new palm trees for his Pirate Paradise. {Click here to see how you can gain palm trees for your own Pirate Paradise.}

Ambassador Spock is now owner and manager of Skyscape Cinema. {Click here to learn how you can own and manage your own Skyscape Cinema.}  
Ambassador Spock invited Captain Kirk to be chief projectionist at his Skyscape Cinema.  
Captain Kirk accepted Ambassador Spock's invitation to be chief projectionist at his Skyscape Cinema. This gains Ambassador Spock three new concession stands. {Click here to see how you can gain concession stands for your own Skyscape Cinema.}  
Captain Kirk is now owner and manager of Skyscape Cinema. {Click here to learn how you can own and manage your own Skyscape Cinema.}  
Captain Kirk sold out three showings in a row. This gains him a brand new marquee with space for unlimited words. {Click here to learn how you can gain your own marquee with space for unlimited words.}  
Captain Kirk invited Ambassador Spock to be head cashier for all of his concession stands at his Skyscape Cinema.  
Ambassador Spock accepted Captain Kirk's invitation to be head cashier for all of his concession stands at his Skyscape Cinema. This gain Captain Kirk a second Skyscape Cinema franchise. {Click here to learn how you can gain your own second Skyscape Cinema franchise.}

Doctor McCoy sent Captain Kirk a private message: Okay. I'm sorry. You can go back to inviting me to play your stupid games. I didn't realize how much I enjoyed telling you "no" until I didn't have any more invitations.  
Captain Kirk responded to Doctor McCoy's private message: This wouldn't have the taint of _jealousy_ would it?  
Doctor McCoy responded to Captain Kirk's private message: Jealous my ass. Fine. Don't send me any invitations you infant.  
Captain Kirk responded to Doctor McCoy's private message: If I do send you invitations, are you going to accept them? Or just use them as excuses to insult me?  
Doctor McCoy responded to Captain Kirk's private message: Insult you.  
Captain Kirk responded to Doctor McCoy's private message: I can live with that.

Captain Kirk sent Doctor McCoy an invitation to enroll in his University of Ubercoolness.  
Doctor McCoy responded to Captain Kirk's invitation to enroll in his University of Ubercoolness: This, of course, implies that you are ubercool. I have one response to that – NOT.  
Captain Kirk sent Ambassador Spock an invitation to enroll in his University of Ubercoolness.  
Ambassador Spock accepted Captain Kirk's invitation to enroll in his University of Ubercoolness. This gains Captain Kirk a second building for his University. {Click here to learn how you can have your own University.}  
Captain Kirk invited Commander Spock to be the Provost of his University of Ubercoolness.  
Commander Spock accepted Captain Kirk's invitation to be the Provost of his University of Ubercoolness. This gains Captain Kirk a football team for his University of Ubercoolness. {Click here to learn how you can gain your own football team for your own University.}  
Captain Kirk commented on Commander Spock's acceptance of his invitation to be Provost of his University of Ubercoolness: Oh, I'm sorry, t'hy'la. I meant to sent the invitation to Ambassador Spock. I didn't think you would accept if I sent it to you.  
Commander Spock responded to Captain Kirk's comment: I was under the assumption that you had made that error. But I have no particular objection to indulging you when you play your fanciful games. So long as you do not expect me to be a fully engaged participant.  
Captain Kirk responded to Commander Spock's comment: I don't expect you to be a fully engaged participating in my 'pretend' games. The real ones, though, are a totally different matter.  
Commander Spock responded to Captain Kirk's comment: Understood. Perhaps I could demonstrate my willingness to fully engage in a real activity of your choice.  
Captain Kirk responded to Commander Spock's comment: You got it. Our quarters. 5 minutes. Plan to be a fully engaged participant!

Captain Kirk is no longer on line.  
Commander Spock is no longer on line.

Captain Kirk poked Commander Spock.  
Commander Spock poked Captain Kirk.


	8. SpaceBook Routine Things

Captain Kirk is reviewing personnel assignments.  
Commander Spock is observing Captain Kirk while he is working.  
Doctor McCoy is wondering how it can possibly be time for crew physicals again. Already. And you will come down here for yours, _Captain.  
_Chief Engineer Scott is reprogramming the dispenser to replicate cheeseburgers. Again.  
Lieutenant Uhura is trying to decide if she wants to cut her hair. Maybe it's time to be rockin' a sassy updo.  
Lieutenant Sulu is researching retractable swords on GoogleIntergalatic. There's a birthday coming up soon.  
Ensign Chekov is trying to keep track of the swords that Lieutenant Sulu seems to like. There's a birthday coming up soon.  
Nurse Chapel is trying to read the chicken scratch Dr. McCoy claims to be his handwriting in order to finish updating the personnel files. Is it too much to ask that you enter the information on your padds, _Doctor?  
_Ambassador Spock is looking forward to the USS Enterprise visiting New Vulcan again soon. Hopefully minus some of the medical emergencies which occurred the last time due to certain personnel being overexposed to the sun's harsh rays.  
Security Chief Giotto is wondering if he has lost his mind joining SpaceBook. {Security Chief Giotto is new to SpaceBook. Write on Security Chief Giotto's wall. Suggest friends to Security Chief Giotto.}

Captain Kirk has decided Doctor McCoy needs to get better acquainted with the medical staff that work gamma shift.  
Commander Spock thinks Captain Kirk should not antagonize the Doctor right before his yearly physical.  
Doctor McCoy has received the new vaccinations that Starfleet is requiring all _Captains_ receive during their yearly physicals. And these have to be administered in the gluteus medius muscles.  
Chief Engineer Scott is glad he can spend the majority of his time in engineering so he doesn't have to deal with the drama that seems to be constantly occurring on the bridge.  
Lieutenant Uhura doesn't understand why she has no comments on her status update. Come on people. Should I cut my hair or not?  
Lieutenant Sulu found the perfect retractable sword. It's bookmarked under "gifts for when I've been especially good."  
Ensign Chekov may or may not have ordered a new retractable sword. Although he will say that Lieutenant Sulu has been exceptionally good…recently.  
Nurse Chapel is considering requesting reassignment. To botany. Or xenobiology. Or maybe astrophysics. Seriously? Anything has to be better than…well, never mind.  
Ambassador Spock is amused by the antics on this USS Enterprise. It is fascinating to be an observer rather than a participant. It is really not so different this time around. No matter what Starfleet may think.  
Security Chief Giotto has promised Doctor McCoy that he will deliver the Captain on time if he does not arrive in SickBay on his own.  
Captain Kirk commented on Security Chief Giotto's status: You'll have to catch me first!

Captain Kirk is trying to remember why he ever wanted Doctor McCoy to be his CMO. Or his BFF. Or even in the same universe as he is. And if gluteus medius muscles means my very fine ass, you can forget it, _Doctor.  
_Commander Spock will make sure Captain Kirk arrives for his scheduled appointment in sickbay and will remain the entire time to ensure his cooperation. I will also make sure the _Captain_ exposes his gluteus medius muscles when the Doctor demands that he do so.  
Security Chief Giotto likes Commander Spock's status.  
Captain Kirk unlikes Commander Spock's status.  
Doctor McCoy thinks Captain Kirk should stop acting like an infant and haul his ass down to sickbay. You are on my last nerve already. And your ass is _not_ all that fine, frankly.  
Captain Kirk unlikes Doctor McCoy's status.  
Chief Engineer Scott has no comment on physicals, asses, or haircuts. I'm too busy to be dragged into any of your drama. But if you get a new sword, Hikaru, I'd be interested in trying it out.  
Lieutenant Uhura thinks Scotty should really tell _me_ what he thinks. I'll come down so we can discuss it in person. That okay?  
Chief Engineer Scott likes Lieutenant Uhura's status update.  
Chief Engineer Scott commented on Lieutenant Uhura's status update: Aye lassie. You are welcome in Engineering any time you'd like to pay me a visit.  
Lieutenant Uhura likes Chief Engineer Scott's comment.  
Lieutenant Sulu thinks Ensign Chekov should come to their quarters so he can demonstrate how much he deserves a new sword.  
Ensign Chekov thinks he can get someone to cover the rest of his shift. The Captain's still trying to hide from the Doctor, and the Commander is still trying to find him.  
Nurse Chapel is thinking of requesting reassignment on Earth. At a sanatorium. Or in a sanatorium. Some place very quiet and peaceful.

Ambassador Spock thinks that the Uhura of his time had beautiful short hair. Perhaps you should follow her example, Nyota. And Mr. Scott is a good person to ask about whether or not you should cut it.  
Lieutenant Uhura likes Ambassador Spock's status.  
Chief Engineer Scott likes Ambassador Spock's status.  
Security Chief Giotto has joined the hunt for Captain Kirk. The ship isn't that big, really.

Captain Kirk has returned to his quarters after his yearly physical. Three days after. Yeah, thanks _Doctor._ It'd been too long since I had the fun of waking up from an anaphylactic shock-induced coma. With bruises all over my ass. And my arms from the IVs. And with Spock on the biobed next to me because _he_ suffered the same allergic reaction because I had it.  
Commander Spock has returned to his quarters after the Captain was released from Sickbay. I hope to resume my duties on the Bridge tomorrow.  
Doctor McCoy said he was sorry. If I had thought for one minute those vaccinations would have made you that sick, I would have never given them to you, _Captain._ At least I got to complete your physical while you were unconscious.  
Captain Kirk unlikes Doctor McCoy's status.  
Commander Spock unlikes Doctor McCoy's status.  
Doctor McCoy commented on Captain Kirk's wall: I said I was sorry, dammit.  
Captain Kirk commented on Doctor McCoy's post: Yeah yeah yeah. Tell it to my ass. Cause the ears don't want to hear it.  
Doctor McCoy unlikes Captain Kirk's comment.

Captain Kirk expanded the size of his asteroid field. {Click here to learn how to expand your own asteroid field.}  
Captain Kirk sent Doctor McCoy an invitation to lay claim to the asteroid field next to his so that they will be able to fly both ways without being stopped by the border patrols.  
Doctor McCoy accepted Captain Kirk's invitation to lay claim to the asteroid field next to his. This gains Captain Kirk a new spaceflyer with super-stoked power jets. {Click here to learn how to gain your own spaceflyer with super-stoked power jets.}

Captain Kirk invited Doctor McCoy to be his neighbor on Pirate Paradise.  
Doctor McCoy accepted Captain Kirk's invitation to be his neighbor on Pirate Paradise. This gains Captain Kirk 100 more acres to surround his mansion on Pirate Paradise. {Click here to learn how you can expand your own Pirate Paradise.}  
Captain Kirk added a pool, sunroom, and 5 spaceflyer garage to his mansion on Pirate Paradise. {Click here to learn how you can add onto your own mansion.}  
Doctor McCoy captured an enemy Pirateship on Pirate Paradise and added it to his Pirate fleet. This gains Doctor McCoy a mansion on Pirate Paradise.  
Doctor McCoy planted peach trees on his Pirate Paradise.  
Doctor McCoy needs your help to harvest his peach trees. Click here to help Doctor McCoy with his harvest.

Captain Kirk invited Doctor McCoy to change the marquee on his Skyscape Cinema.  
Doctor McCoy changed the marquee on Captain Kirk's Skyscape Cinema. This gains Captain Kirk a new row of seats for his Skyscape Cinema. {Click here to learn how you can gain new seats for your Skyscape Cinema.}  
Doctor McCoy acquired his own Skyscape Cinema.  
Doctor McCoy banned Captain Kirk from ever visiting his Skyscape Cinema. {Click here to learn how you can ban other SpaceBook users from visiting your Skyscape Cinema.}  
Captain Kirk instant messaged Doctor McCoy: Rly? You banned me from your cinema? Rly? I thought you were kissing up to me by accepting all the other invitations I sent you.  
Doctor McCoy instant messaged Captain Kirk: Banned you? No I didn't. I thought it said "have his band." You know – have it play. Sorry.  
Captain Kirk instant messaged Doctor McCoy: Liar liar pants on fire. You didn't think that. And you are still me EX-BFF.  
Doctor McCoy instant messaged Captain Kirk: Grow the hell up already. Please. I'm begging you.  
Captain Kirk instant messaged Doctor McCoy: YOU are the one who tried to kill me, remember? _And_ Spock just for good measure.  
Doctor McCoy is no longer online.

Chief Engineer Scott is glad Captain Kirk is feeling better and will gladly turn the Bridge back over to him as soon as he can.  
Captain Kirk likes Engineer Scott's status.  
Commander Spock likes Engineer Scott's status.  
Doctor McCoy likes Engineer Scott's status.  
433 people like Engineer Scott's status.

Lieutenant Uhura has decided not to cut her hair after all. Scotty likes it just the way that it is.  
Chief Engineer Scott likes Lieutenant Uhura's status.

Lieutenant Sulu is in Engineer demonstrating his brand new retractable sword to Chief Engineer Scott.  
Chief Engineer Scott likes Lieutenant Sulu's brand new retractable sword.  
Captain Kirk commented on Lieutenant Sulu's status: Dammit, I miss your birthday, Hikaru?  
Lieutenant Sulu commented on Captain Kirk's post: No, Captain. Pasha decided I had been exceptionally good and gave it to me early.  
Chief Engineer Scott commented on Lieutenant Sulu's post: By _it_ you mean the sword, right, laddie?  
Lieutenant Sulu commented on Chief Engineer Scott's post: Yes, Scotty. The sword.  
Ensign Chekov commented on Chief Engineer Scott's post: Vhat else could he be meaning?  
Lieutenant Sulu sent Ensign Chekov a private message via SpaceBook: I'll explain later, Pasha.  
Ensign Chekov replied to Lieutenant Sulu's private message: Da. _Tonight_ perhaps?  
Lieutenant Sulu replied to Ensign Chekov's private message: Pasha! You knew what he meant!  
Ensign Chekov replied to Lieutenant Sulu's private message: Da.

Lieutenant Sulu poked Ensign Chekov.  
Ensign Chekov poked Lieutenant Sulu.

Nurse Chapel was very worried about the Captain and is glad he is fully recovered. I was also worried about Commander Spock. I still think he was discharged way too soon.  
Doctor McCoy commented on Nurse Chapel's status: For the last time, Spock was _not_ discharged too soon. He's fine, dammit. You're a Nurse, not a Doctor.  
Nurse Chapel unlikes Doctor McCoy's comment.  
Commander Spock commented on Nurse Chapel's status: I am fine, Nurse Chapel. I appreciate your concern. And your vigilance. Now that I have been discharged, it will no longer be necessary for you to bring my meals to me. Nor do you need to come to our quarters and check to see that I am in bed. Nor do you need to bring me Vulcan spice tea. Most especially not in the middle of ship's night.  
Doctor McCoy commented on Commander Spock's post: OMG! Rly? No wonder I can't ever find her when I need her.  
Nurse Chapel unlikes Doctor McCoy's comment.  
Nurse Chapel likes Commander Spock.

Ambassador Spock continues to be amused by the current crew of the Enterprise. If he were fully human, he might admit to some nostalgia and a desire that the Jim of his time were alive to witness their antics.

Security Chief Giotto thinks he is going to delete his SpaceBook account. Too much drama.  
429 people dislike Security Chief Giotto's status.  
Captain Kirk commented on Security Chief Giotto's status. Please don't, Sam. I like having you as a SpaceBook friend.  
413 people like Captain Kirk's comment.  
Security Chief Giotto commented on Captain Kirk's post: Thank you, Captain. But please don't invite me to join any of your games. _Please_.  
Captain Kirk commented on Security Chief Giotto's post: I promise. I'm saving all those for Bones.  
Doctor McCoy unlikes Captain Kirk's comment.  
Commander Spock commented on Security Chief Giotto's status: I concur with the Captain, Chief. It is not necessary for you to delete your SpaceBook account. For those users who over-post, you can employ the "hide" feature. Should their over-zealous use of SpaceBook and its many features become bothersome, you can unfriend them. Which I have learned is a very helpful way to cut down on traffic to your profile.  
Security Chief Giotto commented on Commander Spock's post: Thank you Commander. I think you're right. And having my own SpaceBook account means I can keep up with everything that is going on aboard the Enterprise. Always helpful information to have.  
398 people deleted their SpaceBook accounts.  
Captain Kirk commented on Security Chief Giotto's post: Oops. I think they over-reacted a little, Sam.  
Security Chief Giotto commented on Captain Kirk's post: It would seem so, Captain. I apologize.  
Captain Kirk sent Security Chief Giotto a private message via SpaceBook: Delete your real account and make up a new one. Under a pseudonym. You, me and Spock will be the only ones who know it's you.  
Security Chief Giotto responded to Captain Kirk's private message via SpaceBook: Are you suggesting that I spy on your crew, sir?  
Captain Kirk responded to Security Chief Giotto's private message: _Spy_ is such an ugly word, Sam. Monitor their posts for inappropriate language? Check for security breeches?  
Security Chief Giotto responded to Captain Kirk's private message: Understood.  
Security Chief Giotto deleted his SpaceBook profile.

387 people joined SpaceBook.

Ensign Jerry Baskins friend requested Captain Kirk.  
Captain Kirk accepted Ensign Jerry Baskins' friend request.  
Commander Spock friend requested Ensign Jerry Baskins.  
Ensign Jerry Baskins accepted Commander Spock's friend request.  
Ensign Jerry Baskins sent Captain Kirk a private message via SpaceBook: Excellent idea, sir.  
Captain Kirk responded to Ensign Jerry Baskins' private message: Good work, Sam! Way to be undercover.

Commander Spock sent Captain Kirk a private message via SpaceBook: Speaking of being _undercover, _sir.  
Captain Kirk responded to Commander Spock's private message: Roger roger. I like your thinking.

Commander Spock poked Captain Kirk.  
Captain Kirk poked Commander Spock.


End file.
